August 19, 2010

Wow! So much has happened these past 11 days. My life has been turned inside out and upside down. I can't wait to find which heavenly angel poked me in the tummy to get me into the ER? Hee hee.

My joy is full. Kyle and Michelle delivered a healthy, happy 7.2 ounce baby girl on the 18th in Orem, Utah. I've been told by my 6 year old grandson the difference between happy and sad. Happy is having a baby sister from heaven and sad is grandma going back there. But life is just that. A progression. I love my grandkids. I won't be at church on Sunday cuz my good husband is taking me to Utah to see the new little one. Can't wait!

Yesterday my good friend Janet Butterfield and her 2 daughters took me to their cabin up Robie Creek. I took Jason's boys Walker and Parker . We had two 4 year olds and two 1 year olds. Same age. Had fun laying around the pond paddling in the boats and just relaxing. No phones. Visiting like old times. Fun place to get away for the day! Thanks Janet, Collette and Sarah for watching the kids and letting me lounge around. Do you have pics you can post to my blog? Sure hope so!

Today I am back at DRS again for yet another MRI. More testing so we can get this right. I have had 5 radiation treatments to reduce the swelling in my head and have 10 more to go. I will start Chemotheraphy again the 2nd week on September. I am having another Port inserted into my chest for IV access next Tuesday the 25th? not sure of the date but Tuesday. I may need some home help for a day or 2 after that. The day after I get home from Utah.

Heather and Scott are manning Pier 49 Pizza for me along with the great staff I have. Scott is returning to BYU Idaho in 2 weeks. He has a job there and has to go early for work. It is a tough decision but where he really needs to be. He is close enough to come home if neccessary. Heather and David are fasting and praying about what they need to do so keep them in your prayers as well. She has a 12 week intership to complete for her Bachelors in Paramedics. But it doesn't look like she is gonna go for a while now. It would be starting in 3 weeks.

So for my last paragraph: SECRET SISTERS--- you guys rock! I love getting stuff everyday. Makes me smile. Thanks for radiating sunshine into my dreary world! My dog really has never ever bit anyone. Who wants to be first? The secret is she likes women and children so do not be afraid to stop for 5 minutes when you come. I love company!

Love and laughter, Mary

Love my Family and Ward Family

I had the most amazing feeling at church yesterday. I have people asking what they can do. My response at this time is to show support by wearing red. The whole chapel was filled with support. It was the most humble experience. The Bishop had me come up to the podium and look over the sea of friends. Not one family didnt have some type of red on. HAIR ribbons, ties, shoes, dresses earrings, you name it. You guys are some amazing. Thankyou. i WAS ABLE TO BEAR MY TESTIMONY IN RS. We took a group picture. Everyone is making such a fuse over me. Its kind of embarrassing. But it definately makes me feel loved and cared about.

I have been surrounding myself with beautiful music about, love, Christ, the Atonement, death, living like its the last day of your life, i feel like i am on such a spiritual high. Wishing that if its my time to go that i could be Mike Jordan and JUST DO IT! I dont want all the pain and misery associated with exits. I watched our mother in law pass in the front room of my house for 14 days. She literally couldnt eat, breathe or swallow and i dont want to suffer. But most of all I dont want my children to half to watch me go like that. But it is what it is.

We had a watermellon bust at my sister Alices house. I was able to see some nieces and nephews I hadnt see for a while. Then my daughter played a CD for us about the most amazing young man and his conversion to the gospel. I was so tired I fell asleep and havent heard the end.

I have a bone scan and hot spot xrays tomarrow. I have my 3rd Radiation treatment tomarrow. I am going to keep going for as long as I can. I am taking Dexamethasone twice daily. I am averaging 4 hours sleep a night. (But NO energy to do anything strenuos while awake...so I spend time in the wee hours of the night on this computer. I am afraid it will soon be my lifeline to the world. I need to mememorize the keyboard so I can spell better. (in case I loose my siight first).

I have been asked to come up with a bucket list. Things I would like to do/finish. I will be posting a list soon. I dont know if I can make them all work but i will try.

Of course on that list is see and spend time with my children and grandchildren that live in Utah. Michelle and Kyle are having a 3rd child sometime this week! Write notes to the mothers of my daughter inlaws, write my personal history, float Indian Creek in Kuna, play sardines in my yard with the grandkids. Clean my house. One room at a time. Get a wedding pic on for my wall from Kristen and Randy, Make 2 quilts, one for my daughter one for my husband. Sale my Pier 49 store. ( i guess i dont need to make a list now!! I just did it!!) But i am sure i will be adding to it soon.

LIFE IS GOOD.

So MuchTo Do So Little Time

I have a few things I want to do before my time on earth is through. One of them is write my history. Oh why am I waiting now to write 50 years of my life. Sorry family:(

But if nothing gets written because of time I want to say a few words today.

I HAVE LIVED A GOOD LIFE!

Yes I have regrets. But I will never regret all the fun times I had with my children. The laughs we shared. The special moments...the nights we stayed up late. I thank them for including me with their friends and letting me be a part of their life. I hope they will forget all the times I was a Bad example of what a mom should be and choose to dwell on the things I did right and erase all my mommy no-nos! And their were many!

But most of all I want my family and friends to know that I have a love for the Savior. I know that he loves me and I love him. I am a God fearing woman. I know that he doesnt give us anything we cannot handle, sept he provides a way. He has poured out his tender mercies so many times in my life. He has directed my path and shown me the way. I know that he has carried me many times through difficult situations. I do not walk alone. He is my comforter, my redeemer and my savior. It literally breaks my heart to leave this earth and miss out on the joys of grandparenting. I have witnessed 4 children pick wonderful eternal companions and marry in the house of the Lord. I have a son preparing to serve the Lord. My joy is full.

Yes I have made many bad choices along the way. But I have made many good choices too. I chose a wonderful man to be married to for eternity. Don...I love you. Thank you for the countess hours of service you have rendered to be the past 31 years. Especially the past 2 years in my time of need. Thankyou for having common sense when I had none. For sharing a love of the gospel with me and know that I am a better person because of you. You gave me hope to carry on..you gave me strength when mine was gone..You put me high upon a pedestal... so high that I could almost see eternity...you needed me you needed me.

To my family...Ill love you forever I like you for always as long as Im living your mommy Ill be.

Not Again:(

I am writing this post with a heavy heart. I found out this week that my breast cancer has matestisized. (such a big word and cant spell it correctly).

So here is the history. Tuesday August 2 2010 I went in for my biannual Diagnostic mammagram. I was told everything looked good and I didnt need to come in for a year. (Happy Day!)

Saturday evening after retiring for the evening I was relaxing in bed and felt a strange movement in my upper abdomen. Not a pain but a big movement. (For those who have ever had a baby you know what Im talking about.) I layed there and pondered the motion. A minute later I rolled over and felt a scary sharp pain; floowed by more pain with movement. I told Don about it and told him I may need to go to the hospital. Could my Appendix be up there? NO. Maybe a bowel absturction. No worries. I would try and sleep and see if it got worse. I climbed back in bed and felt ok as long as I didnt move. (those who know me know I am a wiggle worm!)

At 3 am I woke my dear husband up and told him we should go to the hospital. AT 4 he got tired of listening to me moan and got dressed. But oh no! I had decided I was gonna wait a little longer, since it hadn't gotten worse yet. A t 830 am we arrived to the ER. We were put in the overflow room cuz they had a busy morning. At 12 noon they finally took us in for a cat scan to see what the broblem is. I told them I was in pain but only a 2 on a scale of 1- 10. (note to everyone a 9 or 10 gets more attention!) With a heavy face our ER DR. told us I may have cancer again.

The past 3 days have been a whirl wind. My Oncologist isnt in on Mondays. But the ER set up appointments for MRI of my brain, and biopsy of my Liver. I have spots on my Lungs as well. I am going into my DR this morning for final diagnosis.

My dear sweet family gathered together and gave me a blessing and we started a family and friends fast today until 5 pm.

FInale!!!

It has been a year and I have been faithful and cheerful and finished with my treatments. I have been a model patient. (OK...so Im a darn good liar!)

Anyways I am done. My kids have tried to kill me during the event. Randy got married on July 30th and Heather became engaged on August 8th. Wedding is Oct. 23rd of this year. So she is busy planning a wedding and having me help on small details.

Work has been really slow and who knows maybe we will just close down and have a life back.

Thanks to all who have stood by me and given me encouragement and support to get through this past year. Friends are everything!

2 More But Whose Counting?

I am! I am finishing up my chemo treatment and decided my last post was a long time ago. I had a diagnostic mammogram last week and everything looks good. I am in remission and have checks every 6 months. I will be glad whe it is past. Did anyone read the sweet blog Kyle posted for my 1 year mark? It was really sweet of him. check out his blogspot if you havent.
My hair is coming back and about 1-2 inches long. It is grayand speckled. I think that I will not go back to coloring but who knows. Lets see how the gramma look is for a while. It is silver white like my daddys.

Randy is getting married next week. We are having a celebration in our back yard in august. I have been planting flowers and Don has been working deligently on the garden and everything else. If you didn't get an invite and want one let me know! I meant to send one to all our friends but you know how it is. sometimes things get ost in the mail and my memory.

Race for the Cure

So today was the big day for the Race for the Cure in Boise. I am filled to the brim with emotions and the outpouring of support I had from friends and family. I decided to sponsor a team and named my team Pier 49 Pizza Babes and Friends. 3 co-workers walked on my team and we had a total of 36 that signed up to be on my team and several more who partcipated with other teams or cheered and showed moral support in other ways ect. I am choked with emotion of all my friends and family who have helped me get through this past year. The end of August will be my official year mark and I will begin my I am done with treatment hoorah! I am still on a maintenance plan currently and still partcipating in a voluntary program/clinical to help find a cure.

I think it has finally hit me about how fortunate I am that I am one of the survivors that hopefully has beat breast cancer. Not because I am special but be cause I acted upon the early warning signs and caught it in the early stages. It saddens me that I still have many friends out there that need to go in for regular mamograms. If you wait until the late stages it is much harder to fight. So girlie friends go get checked! Save yourself. There is a cure. One is 7 women will have breast cancer. I had 36 friends walk in the race with me today. 3 were men 33 were women. Statisics prove that 5 of you will develop breast cancer before the age of 85. Pretty scary huh! I cut my hair 3 years ago and donated it to locks of love. I had my 1st mammogram at age 40. That should be insurance right? Well... it wasnt. Take care of yourself! I love you guys for all your support.